Top 5: Remakes to Avoid

5. The Superhero Origin Story

Batman BeginsKrypton explodes. Parents Die. Spider Bites. Audiences know with perfect clarity that from these humble beginnings titans of justice emerge. There is nothing gained by re-treading this ground with a (air quote) unique take. These characters will go through reboots, retcons and adjustments but it would behoove Hollywood to focus on new rivals instead of exploring a different version of early events. No one is interested with a slight twist on a story they already know. The problem is the source material is constantly retelling the origin story. It’s well known and safe. There are more issues claiming the untold origin of Superman’s arrival than there are of him facing Doomsday. Hopefully this trend doesn’t continue in theaters.



4. Pop-culture Quotes

CasablancaThere are movies you’ve never seen, but know everything about. They are referenced in other films, television and media to the point where they begin to transcend the original release. They are fodder for SNL skits, Tiny Tunes episodes and message board memes. These films might be good in their own right, but they’re remembered longer than others because of the footprint they add to the pop culture lexicon. If they are to be remade today, it won’t feel like a movie…it will be a parody of a remake of a joke you heard once. The source material is more than just the original story and any attempts to reimagine the film will come across as a hollow reference instead of a full fledged story.



3. Animatronics

Labyrinth Movie PosterCGI special effects are necessary in modern film and expand the possibilities of storytelling each year. But they aren’t always the solution. There was a time when Muppets, animatronics and model kits were the norm for creating fantastical worlds and mythological creatures. There is a quaint charm in their existence that would be lost if it was regenerated in a fully realized computer-realistic form. The limitations forced creators to think of interesting workarounds and adapt the narrative to what was possible. With the constant improvement of computer graphics, anything is viable which is great for future endeavors but would just taint the enchantment of earlier films. Plus, budgets would swell as every character was generated in ones and zeroes, the potential for creating flops wouldn’t be worth the risk.



2. Plot Twists

Fight ClubThe Sixth Sense is a terrible movie. It is boring, long and nothing happens for the first two thirds, until the kid says “I see dead people.” Even then, the movie trudges through its plot and premise, never living to the promise. Then something happens near the end which changes everything. Everyone leaves the theater with those last few moments in their mind and call the movie a masterpiece. It’s not the film which is great; it’s the surprise of the change in narrative which causes audiences to praise this movie. This trick only works once. The ending matters, not the substance. If the film was remade, audiences would know the punch line of the joke the entire time and won’t receive the same feeling of surprise. Or…they would remake the film and zig instead of zag just to throw everyone off, which would only hurt the narrative.




1. Perfect Movies

BttFIt’s easy to recreate stories everyone loves. You are attempting to cash in on the attachment felt for the original and transfer that to a new product. What is truly challenging would be to remake a movie which failed completely. Could you image a world where we talk about Gigli (2016) nominated for a best picture Oscar? Is it possible for Baby Geniuses (2018) to be the funniest movie of all time? No. But the director who could pull this herculean feat would be the greatest creator of all time. Remaking beloved franchises like Ghostbusters, Terminator, Harry Potter or Star Wars isn’t an exciting new adventure with beloved characters but comes across like professional fan fiction. The only difference between Hollywood remakes of the greatest films and what fans create is a 100M budget.

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